Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote an opinion piece in The New York Times last month exploring what he calls the “lifetime of joy and worry” that comes with parenting. Now that we’re into a rhythm at Torit and the children are settling into school, I have been thinking about his observations and reflecting on what I’ve learned over my years as an educator and parent.
Joy and worry capture the feelings pretty well. One afternoon this week, a mom stopped me and said, “I saw you walking with the toddlers to the Public Garden. They were so cute! That’s a nice benefit of the job.” All joy, right? Another day, as the lobby filled with strollers at pick up and gaggle of ebullient preschoolers headed for the door, a mom said to me, “my son’s not napping well and I’m not sure what to do.” All worry.
As parents, we swing back and forth between joy and worry. My child is walking along with confidence and curiosity. “I’ve got this!” I think to myself. My kid’s having a hard time, and it must be my fault. “I’m a failure.” Were it only so black and white.
My experience has taught me that nothing is simple when it comes to a child. There’s no one way, and rarely is there something so significant that a mistake will alter a child’s life forever. But I get it. There is worry. I want to do things carefully and well. I want to teach children to be curious, independent, knowledgeable, and humble. Some days I get there, other days I feel like a limp dishrag. Talk about humility!
I think Dr. Murthy has similar days (and don’t we all?). He wrote, “It’s still hard for me to admit when I feel I’m falling short as a parent. But each time I reach out to a friend or family member or each time I respond when someone reaches out to me, I feel more ease and less stress. The experience has taught me that parenting at its best is a team sport.”
Torit is your team. The teachers and I are your teammates. Please keep asking your questions and sharing your observations with us and with each other. Let’s partner to find more joy and, perhaps, less worry.